Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon Review

Overall Rating: C+


Okay, before I start I know you're all wondering the same thing. "Does it suck?". The answer is, "Well, not totally."  It's light years better than the 2nd one, I know that's not saying much, but it's the reasons that it's better that make it not suck. It still has a lot of stupid jokes, cheesy moments, plot holes larger than Cybertron, and little mistakes that make space-nerds like me get really upset. Honestly though, if you're going into Transformers looking for thespian readings, and character development then I think you may have hit your head, hard.


If you plan to see this movie, see it in IMAX 3D. I know it's expensive, but that's the only way to view it. I have not been a fan of 3D in the past, and have explained so on this very site. However, it was amazing in this movie. They do the standard things flying at the screen effect, which while cool, is getting old. But they also do a great skydiving scene and the 3D effects are felt there more than I've ever felt them. You feel like you are falling, and I think I smell a future ride at an amusement park. This movie also was made for IMAX, I can't imagine seeing it on a regular sized screen. I know IMAX is not everywhere, but try to see it that way. I think the movie would look about 80% worse on a regular screen, and since the look is one of the best features you're going to want to do it right.

So what did I like other than the format. Well, several things. I'll get more specific in the spoiler section, but I'll give a quick list here. The cameos, OH THE CAMEOS.  I think I literally clapped about 5 times because an actor walked on screen. Again, no spoilers yet cause knowing will make it a little less amazing. The special effects were absolutely stunning. The length, and repetitiveness of the movie started to negate this, but I think it worked out well. More on that later. The story actually is pretty good. They explain the origin of the conflict very well, both from the Human side and the Transformer side. As I said above there are a few big plot holes, but none that destroy the story of the movie. In fact, the historical aspect was handled very well in making it both a lot of fun, and also actually believable. Since the title of the movie is "Dark of the Moon", I don't think it's a spoiler to say it's about a cover-up involving the moon landing. Since the "They faked the moon landing" is still one of the most popular conspiracy theories(pisses me off), I like that they had fun with this large of a cover-up centered around the moon landing.


Hope that was helpful, Spoilers below the fold.





THE GOOD: 


The CAMEOS, all of them. Jeff from Chuck! Alan Tudyk!! BUZZ ALDRIN!! John Malkovich!! Ken Jeong!! Wow, all of them were so great! The simple fact that the real Buzz Aldrin was in this movie means that it's amazing. Plus, since Alan Tudyk is in it, and has a brief moment where he goes ape-sh*t crazy-awesome, also means this movie is AMAZING. In this section I'm also going to list my favorite moment of the entire movie. Sentinal Prime(voice by Leonard Nimoy) says "The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few". If you don't know why I loved this scene, then stop reading this, and go watch Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. You'll find out. Also, did everyone else notice that Sam was watching original series Star Trek in the beginning? And SPOCK was in the scene!! I would love to know which episode it was, and if it had any relevance to the movie.

The Special Effects: I already discussed this, but I wanted to get more specific. While I think it got repetitive, the fighting scenes were amazing. I'm not sure what was up with the "blood", and such, but the shots just looked so good. The scenes of them jumping like flying squirrels was AMAZING. I really felt like I was falling. This is one of the best uses of 3D I've ever seen. While not exactly special effects, the scenes of the Autobots transforming with people inside, lifting them out, attacking something, then transforming back all the while holding the people was so frakking great. I still love the transforming effect they use. I love love that when they are in robot form you can see all the little bits, and that they worked hard to have every piece of the body actually be a piece of a car.


The Backstory: So lets recap the story here. Back during the battle for Cybertron, the leader left, leaving Optimus in charge, and leading to the destruction of the entire planet. I may have missed it, but I don't think they said why the Autobots thought he left. He had a weapon that could have won the war, and he leaves? That's pretty suspicious. Anyway, so Sentinal Prime(NIMOY!) is really a baddie who made a pact with Megatron. What was this pact? "I'll leave you alive, if you destroy Cybertron and then join me in building it back up with Human labor". Wouldn't just killing Megatron and the other Decepticons back then have saved Cybertron? Perhaps he felt it was already a lost cause, and he knew Megatron was too powerful to ever go down without destroying everything. So THEN, Sentinal Prime crashes on the Moon. I assume this was not part of the plan. Megatron even says circumstances stopped them both. At least now we know why Megatron came to Earth. It may seem like my review of the backstory makes it seem like I don't like this, but I actually do a lot. So it has a few issues, and really makes no sense when you sit down and write it out. It was still frakkin cool okay!


Everything About Apollo: Well, almost everything, more on that later. But yeah, for those who don't know, I'm a space nerd. I went to Space Camp when I was young, and get excited for every launch. Apollo 13 is my all-time favorite movie, and I loved HBO's From the Earth to the Moon. Also, if you don't know the final Space Shuttle launch will be happening in about a week. That's right, in a little over a week, aside from the International Space Station,  the American Space Program will be essentially over for an unknown number of years. I am very upset about this, as I feel space exploration is the greatest adventure humankind could ever embark on. Not to mention the international cooperation that leads to peaceful relations, technical advances that help millions, and more focus on environmental concerns. I could go on and on, but I won't. With that said, the stuff about Apollo, with Kennedy, and Nixon, and the stock footage really is a love letter to the space program. Sure, in the movie we go to inspect this crashed spacecraft, but everyone knows we didn't. In the 1960's humans, both Americans and Soviets traveled into the unknown because we wanted to see if we could. We challenged ourselves to think past any and all boundaries, both literal and metaphoric. Flashforward to 2011, and it's over. The cause? Budget cuts, mismanagement, maybe even a lack of imagination. Thank you Michael Bay, hopefully more people will see the heartbreak in losing this great spirit that caused us to reach out and touch the heavens and wonder, "Can we go even farther?" Okay, getting down off soapbox.

Characters: Of course all the Transformers were perfection, but I'll talk about the humans. I liked Carly(Rosie Huntington-Whiteley) a lot more than Megan Fox. For a moment there I thought they weren't going to explain Fox's absence at all but they did. She broke up with Sam. Maybe cause he's such a prick all the time(more on this later). The character of Sam is so hard for me to dislike cause he is a hero, but I don't like him(again more on this later). I do like him as a hero though. He fights for, not just the people, but everyone. He risked his life to save Optimus, and was about to try and save Bumblebee. Also, the look on his face in the photo with Obama is one of the funniest things I've ever seen. It's maybe my favorite Shia moment. John Malkovich is great as the creepy boss, and of course John Turturro is wonderful as always. I also like that they toned him down from last time. In the last movie he was too crazy for me, it seemed like to much of a character switch. Here though he's back to his ultra confident, don't mess with me style. I enjoyed it.


THE BAD: 


Plot Holes: Forgetting the issues I mentioned in the story section, there were a few things that were either said, or seen that made no sense at all. First of all, we clearly see Optimus and his friends travel to the Moon to get Sentinal. They fly there, get him, and bring him back. Cool right? Well later we are told "The Autobots can't leave the planet" So we give them a huge frakking rocket built onto a Space Shuttle, which turns out to be a big fake out. I liked how they said "we were in a compartment that broke off midflight". Well great, what if Megatron blew your ship up while it was still on the ground? Trust me, you don't need missiles to destroy the Space Shuttle when it's filled with fuel. One of the tiny little Decepticons could have drilled a tiny hole in the external tank and BOOM! I guess the reason they couldn't leave was "Plot device". Plot device causes a lot of problems. Another plot hole is Carly's total 180 concerning Sam working with the Autobots. First she goes with him to the agency, and then talks him up to the Secretary of Defense. Cool you think she's behind him all the way. Oops nope, she's pissed at him a couple scenes later because the only person in the World who can save it, is you know, trying to save it. Which is a shame cause, as I said I really liked her.


Horrible effects on JFK: Okay, I already said the special effects were amazing, but these were not. They give us three different versions of Kennedy. The pixelated/fake Kennedy which looked like a little kid did it, the actor Kennedy, which was fine but looked nothing like the pixelated one, and stock footage Kennedy which looked nothing like the other two. For a movie that had such a huge special effect team, why didn't they just do what Forrest Gump did 17 YEARS AGO!!

Space Nerd Issues: Remember I said "not all the Apollo stuff"? Well this was it. So, for those who don't know, back during Apollo, to land on the moon they used a machine called, the Lunar Module. I'm sure you've seen pictures. Here's how it worked, they would land using an engine at the bottom of the lower half called the Descent Stage. As the name implies, this was used to descend to the Moon's surface. Once they were done, and wanted to come back they used a different engine. The descent stage now becomes a launch pad, and the smaller top portion, called the Ascent Stage lights and it flies away, bringing the astronauts back to Earth. What's my big problem with the movie? When the Autobots are on the Moon they walk past the Lunar Module and...IT STILL HAS THE TOP!! Was there not one person working on this movie who said, "Hey, that's how they get home, it shouldn't still be there." This is easy to fix, and insane to leave in. It would be like seeing the Sydney Opera House in Chicago. People would be like "wait...what?" Being a space nerd is tough.


Shia LaBeouf: I've never really been a fan of his. Not exactly sure what it is. It might be that he always plays a smart ass punk who thinks he the greatest thing since sliced bread. In this movie it's no different. He acts like a punk to everyone, all the time. Sure, sometimes he has reason to. Francis McDormand as the Secretary of Defense was a total bitch to him, but that still doesn't give you the right to speak that way to her. I mean how about a kind word? How about some encouragement? She's probably scared out of her mind, how about easing her mind with that sweet talk that gets you those hotties instead of trashing on her. I hate every scene with his parents. This isn't really him, but those scenes are like they are written by a 10 year old. His parents must be the two most oblivious, and obnoxious people on Earth. Maybe that's why he's such a punk. I feel the same about how he talked to the military dudes standing outside HHS. Oh sorry Shia, they can't disobey orders cause you said "Decepticon". How about calmly telling them what has happened, asking nicely to speak to someone in charge. These guys have been ordered to not let anyone in, and that means you and your hot girlfriend. More I don't like about this punk. Why do these girls love him so much? Unless there is an end of the world invasion going on he is the laziest, most selfish, prick I've ever seen. Not to mention he's jealous beyond belief. This hot blonde is living with him, and clearly loves him. Knowing this he still gets mega-jealous when her boss(McDreamy), talks about her in a nice way. I didn't even get the feeling he wanted her, and I definitely didn't get the feeling she wanted him AT ALL. He's her boss Shia, most people act nice to their boss so they, you know, don't get fired, and maybe will even get promoted. Maybe you would have better luck at work if you weren't a prick to everyone all the time. Now of course it turns out McDreamy only hired her so he could get to Shia. So yeah, he didn't want her at all, and maybe he wanted to get Shia into a crazed mental state. You walked right into it Shia, next time, just look at your girl and think "She loves me, she doesn't want this guy." Don't care so much what EVERYONE thinks, and make nice, once, just once.




Okay, that was a long review. and I'm posting it far later than I planned to. Any thoughts peeps? Anything I left out?